My Journey Through The Dark Night Of The Soul

Written By:  Anthony Curwen, ​CHHC, CYT, SHP

For the past year, I have been in isolation, healing and working through my dark night of the soul.

My dark night of the soul was triggered after quitting my career of 27 years to follow my dreams and step into my true purpose. Had I known the challenges that lay ahead I may not have quit, in retrospect, I am so grateful that I had the courage to do it.

This transition period for me has been a roller coaster of intense emotions with all my unconscious fears coming up to be felt, integrated, and healed. I’ve carried so much fear around stepping into my true authentic self, something that many of us fear.

In order to deal with my dark knight of the soul, I needed to isolate myself from society so I could go deep into the fears that were crippling me. I learned to accept and surrender to whatever was coming up, as hard as it was…and man it was really fucking hard at times.

At times the feelings were so intense and crippling that my first reaction was to distract myself so I would not have to feel what I was feeling, but that would have only prolonged this intense process.

There were many sleepless nights where I felt completely lost and out of touch with who I am. I would lie there and give myself reiki for hours, helping to settle the fears that were bubbling inside me. I also used meditation and allowed myself to sit with whatever needed to be felt. This helped me move through and integrate these fears. I now realize that feeling these intense emotions was all part of the process. Energy is always in motion and I had to trust that it would pass - and it always did!

This process has been extremely taxing on my physical body.

There have been days when I could barely get out of bed, having no energy, feelings lifeless, lost, and disenchanted with life. Being the breadwinner in the family this terrified me. I felt like I needed to push through all of the lows otherwise I would not survive. There were limiting beliefs that were running in my mind that I needed to keep doing what I disliked because I needed to “bring home the bacon” but intuitively I knew that I needed to take time to heal. I needed to do the deep work so that I could start to show up fully, authentically, and in my power, living out my dharma.

Having the courage to surrender to these thoughts and just feel it all without judgment, and give myself the time and space to work through this dark night of the soul was critical in accelerating my process of healing.

Diving deep into self-care was critical for my healing. Using my knowledge of yoga, meditation, breath work, connecting with nature, consuming healing foods, and making time for lots of rest was how I supported my journey.

I still have work to do, but the sleepless nights and deep fears that plagued me for months have been integrated and a lot of healing has occurred. This process of integrating our shadows (Ego) is a necessary step in everyone’s spiritual evolution, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be in a position to fully commit to this process.

Many people are going through this spiritual awakening and I share my journey with you in hopes that it may inspire you to step into your fears so that you can break free from your limiting beliefs and step into your true life purpose!

This journey can feel very lonely and scary at times, feel free to reach out if you are in need of support. I offer health and spiritual coaching, I invite you to a free Clarity Call.

Please share if you know someone who could benefit from this post.